Sometimes life is hard, isn’t it? You are thrown into situations that are unpleasant, to say the least. You are pushed to the realms of existence. Throwing in some marketing jargons, I’d rather adopt a pull strategy with people rather than a push strategy. Sometimes it is plainly soothing to stay away from the crowd. It is not about being different or unique, sometimes reflecting on your own life is the best way going forward.
I was in a fix a couple of days ago. I am a very insecure potato and sometimes for the fear of being judged, I hide behind my thousand eyes, which transfixes my gaze on to the whole world unflinchingly. Being a potato is one of the hardest things ever. Everyone wants you to be crispy and so brilliantly delicious all the time that they want to devour you. However, when you start getting a little stale or haven’t any new crispies hidden in your secret carb pockets, you can’t become the fries everyone loves, but end up being baked, diced and thrown into the salad no one eats. It’s unfair, don’t you think? Being made into something else owing to the pressure or expectations people have of you? Everyone is a commodity in this world. We have uses- some exclusive, some multiple. When I mean uses, yes I mean “uses”. We are designated with roles, which we have to perform with the utmost emotion. For example, if I was hanging out with a group (for a completely different reason) who loves listening to Black Metal, I am expected to like the same kind of music and probably even head-bang as well. If I however liked my regional pop (down here we call it dappankuthu) or English classics, I just wouldn’t be “one of them” any more. The worst of all- I experienced a void with respect to my personal blogging. It just didn’t sanctify the turmoil in me. Normally, the flow of my words from my head to my fingers calm my freakishly active nerves, but not this month. My creativity was good, work went on well but there was still something that was stagnating and resonating deep within telling me, “You stupid potato, just go write!”, but I just couldn’t get myself to write. I barely wrote a 100 words before a severe dosage of writer’s block overcame my urge and I decided not to go through with it and fight it. I must have deleted 10 drafts before I published this one, so “Score, potato!”. Sometimes the best thoughts flow to you when you are in the shower and have no access to a pen, paper or a tablet. Forget “intelligent” toilets (thank you Kohler), somebody discover this please!
Anyway, back to topic. I have always wondered where we all fit among the crowd. Is it trying to be overtly cool or demurely philosophical? Is there a balance at all that mankind is yet to achieve. Forget work-life balance, are we self-balanced individuals to start with? If we don’t possess something, it’s sane to go around looking for it. What if it is unattainable at all in the first place? What happens then? Where is this “balance”? Is it something within each of us, like they say happiness is, or is it in other people where I have to go around finding the good in each of them (thanks, Budha)? I find myself turning irate at the very mention of philosophical somethings. I am done with self-help books and looking for the “true search” of things. There is only one solution- SELF-HELP. Why did I need to buy an expensive special edition book to tell me that? As I said, reflecting on my behaviour has always helped me understand where or what prompted me to do certain things the way I did them (duh!).
Ok. So, how did I get word-zoned?! Is that something I just coined or has it been in existence? Doesn’t matter. HOW DID I GET WORD-ZONED? I distinctly remember that my brain was muddled up, words kept getting cluttered and de-cluttered with no sense of belonging and moved randomly at warp speed that I couldn’t catch hold of a string of sensible ones and make a simple sentence. It was as simple as that. Being creative is something that comes to people in their natural states. Sometimes it needs some inducing, some motivation, some love. Yes, love. Come on, you got to my blog until here. I promise I will be done soon. So yes, love is a critical aspect of stimulating creativity. Tap into it right, and the words will flow the way you want it. In this case love doesn’t necessarily mean just happy unicorn love but it credits the absence of love as a bigger contributor to opening your mind. Depressed people write better and more meaningfully- real life things. The absence of love is again a very paradoxical term- there is no love on one side and there is lack of seeing the displayed love on the other. Either way, it goes best with arty things, including writing.
On a concluding note (I just heard you say Thank God), I think that sometimes it’s okay to be alone for a while, to get yourself into terms with what you think is best for yourself. It happens more often that you would like and enjoy it while it lasts. That’s your time, your precious. So why I think I was probably word-zoned was because I was too happy!