We all love our jobs, but there are just some everyday situations we encounter and respond to- mostly as a knee-jerk reaction. I had this crazy thought last evening and spent the rest of the night imagining what people would say to these situations in an undying spirit of satire.
These situations are a fictional result of my whimsical hyperboles, subjudiced by cranial autocracy. Don’t tell me I didn’t warn you.
1. “You’re valued, resourceful and important.”
Yeah. You’re marginally better than food coupons.
2. “Your work is great.”
I think my dog Pooper could do better. Pooper? Nice name.
3. “Can you help me with something?” “Sure, anything!”
(Asks a favour of him) *Runs into a “meeting”*
4. “Are you busy?”
I just saw you drink coffee, take a leak and then pick up the phone to check WhatsApp. Sure you can spare me the next 500 hours.
5. “You know what?”
(This is the most rhetorical ever. EVER.) I’ll tell you anyway.
6. “The client just called. We have a deadline”
Suck it up. No boo-hoos. Let’s do this.. (And after a motivational and inspiring speech) My friend has this German friend who has a feline emergency. I seriously got to leave. Oh I know you guys would do a fantastic job!
7. “Here’s your payslip”
Sigh. Another sunk cost.
8. (Lady employees only) Lady: “Hey, Boss. I’m getting married”
Boss: “Wow congratulations!”
Uh Oh. Should I expect a resignation letter any time now?
9. “Hey! Nice shoes”
*Grins* Wish I could say something else nice about you. *rubs palms together in an evil glee*
And for the people’s favourite- Drum roll, please!
10. (After an intensive project filled with body-clock-altering-all-nighters) “Can I take a couple of days to cool off?” “Sure”
Work from home…